Big news the other day for people who want to make sure their sarcastic emails and text messages are understood as such by the recipients. A company named Sarcasm, Inc. “invented” a punctuation mark to do the trick. And they want you to pay for it.

I don’t know whether to be furious at or envious of a company so sarcastic that it’s invented a punctuation mark people have to pay to use. And I find it hilarious that you have to notate the (paid) SarcMark with a (free) registered trademark symbol — ®.

But seriously, if you have to use punctuation to let people know you’re being sarcastic, doesn’t that defeat the purpose of sarcasm? Witness Sarcasm, Inc.’s commercial (!) for the SarcMark:

FUNNY OR JUST MEAN? Like Alanis Morrissette’s song, “Isn’t it Ironic?“, Sarcasm Inc.’s commercial doesn’t really demonstrate what it says it does. Are the comments in the commercial really sarcastic, or merely taunts, mean and simple mockery? Sarcasm isn’t just mean. Anyone can be mean. Sarcasm is supposed to be witty, ironic, sneering disapproval disguised as praise. When done properly, it should feel like a delicious, oozing fulsomeness. No SarcMark necessary.

Sarcasm, Inc. (no matter how many times I write it, I still laugh) is marketing its SarcMark as a way to ensure people “get” that you’re being sarcastic in an email or a text message, the way the exclamation mark is used to make sure people “get” that you’re excited. Or the comma so people “get” that some kind of pause is necessary to convey a particular meaning. Or that the semicolon is for people to “get” that … what was the semicolon for again? Anyway, mark my words, the SarcMark isn’t going to help. People will continue to get confused by email and text messages.

At most, the new mark will give your mean comments plausible deniability; but people will now know for sure that they’re being made fun of, and how does that advance world peace? (Oh, look! I used a semicolon! But am I really excited about it because I used not one but two exclamation marks? Or am I just being sarcastic? Do I need to create interrobang-like combinations of marks to convey my meaning?!)

Next: Better, more clever ways to convey sarcasm »